I’ve moved over to Blogspot.com

Hello, everybody!  Just wanted to let you know that I’ve moved my blogs over to Blogger.

You can still read here, but for newer posts, head over to http://frigidfire.blogspot.com.

ॐ Gaurav.

Mortem: A Thumbnail of my Current Predicament.

“Slow down,” they told me, as I spent the last few years of my life. I was living too fast, barely taking notice of the world around me, and considering no one but myself.

So I agreed, and tapered off my life to a much slower flow. I began to prophesize myself with the chance to finally catch a breath, and how pleasant that would be.

And now I do have that chance, but as I sit here doing nothing, I realize that while I once thought that to relax is to enjoy life; in fact to relax is to endure the agony of stagnation, one thing I’ve never been taught to do. And even having myself, if no one else, is unbearable, though once in my life it was the only source of comfort. Some, I think, call it boredom, to me this is mortem.

Post Mortem Daguerreotype by Kips de Coppin – Belgium

Even more so, I’ve come to the realization that the next three weeks will be nothing but a biding of time – too painful to me than I can possibly describe. And so I feel myself suffocating in this stale pond, this tepid body of time, without a thing for which to become excited, and without a thought to hold me content.

ॐ Gaurav.

The Cataclysmic Coo

“The Cataclysmic Coo”

Gaurav Bhalla


  1. The Void
  2. The Birth
  3. Commencement
  4. Pangaea
  5. Preparation
  6. The Success
  7. Maturation
  8. Procreation
  9. The Earth and the Sky
  10. The Age of Man


The origin, plans, and motives of the Creator have been a source of curiosity since the beginning of time.  Man cannot help wondering where he belongs in the universe, and the purpose of life on Earth.  The followers of both introspective and organized religions have speculated a wide array of plots to discuss the happenings which resulted in the first Homo sapiens.

This work attempts to answer the aforementioned questions in a romantic storytelling format, incorporating various explanations borrowed from the large number of religions of Man.  Similarities and differences between this work and any other religious text can not be avoided, and will bring attention to the artistic creativity of the human mind.

— 1 The Void

In the beginning, there was Silence.  Sound and Light were incomprehensible.  A dark space, void of Heat, Motion, and Substance, was all that was there.  Reason and Calculus were inexistent.  The cosmos ran on Fate, alone, and Fate prohibited Choice.

— 2 The Birth

All changed upon the exit of my corpse from my mother’s womb.  I was thus born, knowingly significant. Then:

I exhaled; thus the universe knew Matter, and my elders were upset !
I reached; thus the universe knew Movement, and my elders were enraged !
I cooed; thus the universe knew Warmth, and my elders were destroyed !

Left alone, I was fragile.

Filled with ennui, I defeated Fate by taking a gasping breath, from which I benefit Will.  In my lungs I converted Will into Command.  And as a byproduct, I acquired Desire.

— 3 Commencement

I began :                 –  ॐ aum

Set before me then, were the mediums necessary to commence Life.  With desire for Affinity, I longed to assemble a Project in my own image.  A flexible and malleable Corpse was produced of empty quarks and unbuffered charges.  I exhaled Knowledge into my Creature: those ideas which constituted Instinct.

Begat was the prototype of Life: a humble, shivering Form.

Proceeding Its first breath, however, my Animation failed.  And through this failure, two new concepts presented themselves to the universe: Logic and Disorder.

I knew then, that to create viable Life would be my mission.

Many more failures to this Project became known to me.  I used the incrementing number of failures to count my Age.  Time was fabricated.  I grew older.  Opportunities passed as I created Beings of varied compositions: from those elements as fragile as wind, to those more resistant such as the compressed metals.  Trial and error awoke Science in me.

Through this process, I learned that the element of Fire would be most viable.  Accordingly, I used Carbon, known to me then as Krsna, that element most receptive to plasmic heat.  Five generations of Carbonaceous Offspring occurred.  None of them survived my Breath of Knowledge.  It was not until the eleventh Generation of my Creations that I learned that Knowledge, itself, was the killer.  None of my Creatures could knowingly withstand such a bare, void environment.

— 4 Pangaea

For this reason, I decided to create a bubble.  Its function was to limit my Creation’s range of perception. Only that which was seen from inside was to be considered by my Creation.  I called my bubble, Terria.  I filled Terria with gasses, and then I created the flat ground.  All else became sky.  I became proud of my creation.

— 5 Preparation

In my own loneliness, I realized that my Creature, too, would desire Others of Its Kind.  I decided then, that my Offspring must be self-replicating.  But to give my Creation the power of procreation was a challenge.  I found that the element of reproduction was too warm for my fragile Life Forms to endure.  Therefore, I created Water as a coolant, from two subelements of Fire: hydrogen and oxygen.

On Terria, there was land for support, and there was water for sustenance.  Still too void, I feared my Offspring would find the planet nevertheless desolate.  I combined the elements of land and water to form the beasts and fauna.  First, came the plants who were intended to provide food.  Then, came the genre of fauna intended solely for beauty.  Soon, arrived the fish of the water and insects of the Earth who rendered fertility.  And finally, borne were the rodents meant for nothing more than to create mischief and entertainment for my Creatures.

Unfortunately, my beasts and fauna were imperfect.  Through a law I came to know as Nature, many of them evolved to suit their authentic environment.  The fish begat amphibians and reptiles, then dinosaurs and birds.  The fauna craved growth, and trees were formed.  Rodents became giant, carnivorous beasts.  They all grew tall, reaching to the sky, to lay sight on their creator, me.

Worried that these organisms would compete too heavily with my prime Creation, I negotiated with Nature and wrote the Law of the Limits to Terria.  Beasts were given limit in perception: they were not allowed to think abstractly, and from them was removed the gift of Language.  Lust was bestowed upon them.  They were told to spend a portion of the day at rest, and that rest is now called Sleep. Plants also learned limits.  They were given the Sun to which Terria revolved.  The Sun dictated their growth, and so they were no longer allowed to grow so tall.

Dinosaurs worried me the most.  They had grown so enormous, that some shook land as they walked.  I had no choice but to eliminate them.  The humble were given slower lives, with flat bodies, specifically as crocodiles and turtles who only felt secure with their abdomen in constant contact with the ground.  The less humble were killed.

As Terria revolved in orbit of the Sun, my creations learned Day and Night.
Fear took most creatures at night, and for this reason, I gave those creatures the Moon.

Gravity from the Moon caused the water on Terria to flow.  The earth broke itself.  Plates were formed.  Mountains now existed and the variety of life increased.  As land grew taller, oceans grew deeper.

As the landscape changed, new challenges emerged in the life of my projects, and so they met Mortality.  Death to them was the freeing of their souls from their aching, damaged bodies.  Wandering souls gained fresh bodies at the phase of conception in next generations.  This became the circle of life.

— 6 The Success

With all secure, I digressed to my prime Creation.

I used the same formula as I did in my previous Carbonaceous Generations, but decided as a measure of security, to limit the amount of Knowledge I breathed into my Creations.

I succeeded.  The Human Species now existed in a single Being.  I named Her Eva.

As five days passed, I contemplated how long I should wait before making Her competent of reproducing.  In those five days, She became unhappy.  I could not wait long, I knew.  Fearing hasty population growth, I gave Her ten years before Her maturation process to adulthood would begin.

As a diversion, I gave to Her a Companion, Adam, who would be necessary in her desire to procreate.

— 7 Maturation

The Two slept shivering on top of the hilltop.  For warmth, They fit their bodies into each Others’.  Thus, from the beasts, They learned Lust.  I feared that Lust would inhibit their growth, and  consequently, I gave Them clothing to keep Them preoccupied.

The first of Eva’s inventions was the weapon. She and Adam, not long after Their births, learned to hunt.  Mortality in the other genii rose.  I feared that the other creatures would die too soon by Man’s hand and had no other choice but to create a weapon against Life itself.  The Virus was assembled to control population growth of Eva’s species.

My trust in her Kind was reasserted, however, when Eva and Adam learned Compassion in helping each Other to find a suitable place to live.  In the cave, They invented Love, and taught it to some animals whom They domesticated to provide service.  Cats were taken into the cave to eliminate the rodents which ate Their food supply.  Adam brought home a dog to provide company.  Birds alerted the Two of danger by the greater beasts who were jealous of the Human condition.  Consequently, their sounds became beautiful to the Humans, and the birds, too, were domesticated.

Soon the process of puberty had finished and Eva became fertile with Adam’s seed.  Nature dictated that a time of nine months was required for the Egg to hatch.

— 8 Procreation

I came to Eva in a dream, in which I made known to Her that Her Child would be incapable of sustaining Its Corpse alone.  As the beasts do with their young, so too would Eva do with Hers.  In addition, I invested in Her a love for the Child before its birth so She would not end it in abortion due to the pains of pregnancy and labor.  She grew to be emotional, and more fragile than Adam, who was once the weaker sex.  Eva kept the egg inside Herself to avoid losing it to predation; this was a trait she learned from the rodents.  In nine months, the baby was indeed born.

From there onward, history recorded itself.  Birth after birth, the Population grew.

Culture was borne into the minds of Man.  Man perfected Language and sought to explain the occurrences of my ways.  As the Human mind absorbed Knowledge, I knew that I had to expand the universe to keep Man’s mind from suffocating.

— 9 The Earth and Sky

I bridged the East side of the land to the West by slowly folding the substrate.  It encaved and formed an orb.  Soon, some of the species travelled into the less inhabited western hemisphere.  This was not enough to keep Man occupied.

So, I created more planets to orbit the Sun.  I worried that my Creation might seek to live on these planets; therefore, I made them unsustainable, rich in toxic gasses and poor in nutritional content.  Beauty ensued in some planets, who became beautiful with rings and marble-patterned surfaces beckoning Human interest.

To keep the more Curious diverted, I created the starscape.

— 10 The Age of Man

Manufactured Science began to battle the laws of Nature as the Human mind grew.  Entropy was begat as Nature’s weapon. And so, to fight it, Life sought simplification.  Not long after, I realized that the world I had created was self-preserving.  I took that moment to vow that I would no longer interact with Terria.

As, I watched, the languages of the Offspring of Eva and Adam dispersed quickly and became mutually incomprehensible.  The Children now had learned to fight with each Other.  They had taught Themselves Sovereignty and the evil of having power.  As Man had children, He grew older. With little else to stimulate Him after parenthood, Man died of boredom.  But as challenges in the environment were overcome, and diseases became preventable, His threshold grew closer and closer to the 100-year mark.

Man philosophized my existence.  He sought to find me, and introduce Himself as my Creation.  Kingdoms, religious Cults and entire Societies set this as Their goal.  Each fought over the rights to naming me.  Some had named me Bhagwan.  Others called me Allah.  One Sect vowed to neither pronounce nor ascribe my name at all.

Avatars emerged.  They called Themselves my Children.  Krishna, Jesus and Alexander the Great were among them.

Man’s purpose became to find the meaning of Life.  Each voyaged to lay His own name to it.  The great Kingdoms fell.  Families divided.  Ancient cultures died.  My Creations grew ignorant.  And in wake of Man’s egotism, I was forgotten.

German-American Tae Quan Do Princess

German-American Tae Quan Do Princess.

The sun shone.  The bees buzzed.  The grass felt like the stubble of Mother Earth’s lady beard in my hands.

It was only lunchtime.  It was only my high school.  It was only our daily spot.

But I remember that specific lunch period more than the others.  I don’t know why.

I sat with my friend Danielle discussing in a philosophical tone the goods and evils of the world, the efforts of humanity to retain culture, the martial arts in which she took interest, her sketch book in which I took interest.

It was perfect.  The cliché kind of perfect that comes in the Kodak picture frames with Colgate smiles and lens flares.

Danielle always took an interest in the way of life of the artistic Far East.  To me this was fascinating.  A tae quan do student, she demonstrated to me a few stances with her awkward body, composed of a stocky frame in tight jeans and a long sleeve shirt.  A salmon colored stage fright came over her as she tried to knock me down.  Luckily, I knew how to hold my ground.

And in a pronunciation very American and unrefined she began, ” ichi, ni, san, shi. . . What’s five again?”

Beautiful, in an elegance alien to our culture, an American geisha, she was not.   It wasn’t the brightness of the sun that illuminated her fair face, but the dullness of her complexion that was highlighted by the neon colors of spring, and the creakiness of her voice that created harmony amongst the windy whistles and insect chirps.  They were my eyes that held beauty in that moment.

Matrimony, Now a Political Affair

Matrimony, Now a Political Affair

Marriage has certainly become the subject of much debate recently, with the controversies over same-sex marriage bans being put into affect in some of the states of the country.

The case brought to the table by advocates of those bans, and those who support bans on same-sex couples’ rights to adoption, is that a stable home consists of a nuclear family with two parents raising the child: the natural, and only stable way.

However many cultures around the world will test that theory. It is known that in many rural communities and nonindustrial communities it is the entire village which fittingly takes part in raising a child. We, the suburban and urban Americans, are no different. What is a school if not a capacity of the state to hold the entire society accountable for the success or failure of the children in its community?

The Na culture written about by Clifford Greetz and Cia Hua is certainly one which tests the ethnocentric beliefs of patrilineal and nucleic family oriented societies. Perhaps, from an evolutionary standpoint, those who have begun to impose monogamy upon the Na have enforced maladaptive behavior.

Is it so necessary that one man and one woman found a household in matrimony? And what is it about matrimony that makes legitimate children so much more privileged than their out-of-wedlock counterparts? In the Na society which lacks words to express “bastard” and “infidelity,” these questions are irrelevant and possibly absurd.

On the other hand, there is something about the one man, one woman, one household ideal that just seems to make sense in our heads. Our age old society even has wonderful molds and positions to hold these members of a nucleic family; for example, a woman can tend to the home and children, while the father performs extra domestic duties, and the children learn these domestic responsibilities to one day take their parents positions in households of their own.

That model construct is so ancient that it exists as a part of the Biblical teaching and as an ideal since prehistoric times. It is also not only limited to the human world. Notable species such as parakeets, penguins and beavers are also monogamous. Surely there has to be some sort of benefit to mating monogamously.

However, polygyny tips the range of this construct and still maintains a beneficial relationship for the man and his wives. Just as the model woman in our monogamous matrimony construct would benefit from her husband’s moneymaking, so too would the multiple wives of this polygynic man, who, in most cases, has the ability to financially secure multiple broods.

In addition, arguing a community, in this case the Na community, to be maladaptive after knowing that it has survived centuries (Greetz) is hard to do.

In fact, it’s not just centuries that the concept of non monogamous relations has survived, it’s aeons! While earlier, it was discussed that some zoological species also support the monogamous construct of mating, it’s important also to note that these species are a handful of the entire taxa of Earth. Most species are promiscuous: from dogs to whales, and from ferns to snails.

The benefit of this evolutionary construct is easy to extract. An egg baring woman with multiple partners will enter into the gene pool much more variety than a monogamous woman. Also, if a certain member of the community has a trait which is favorable to the survival of the species, in a non-monogamous community, the trait has a quicker route to enter the general population.

Genetic variability is one goal that all life seems to strive towards.

Nevertheless, in humans promiscuous relationships have also had some negative side effects. For example sex with multiple partners increases the chances of receiving STIs. The spread of HIV has certainly turned the tables on many people’s lifestyles. Also, in promiscuous situations, many times children don’t know who their biological father is, in a society of monogamous households. This may cause some stress in terms of identity, and self-worth.

These concepts must have influenced the Chinese government to impose legislature upon the Na. Conversely, it’s debatable whether or not that was the proactive decision. Many Na have become distressed, and changing the mating patterns of an entire community is of course difficult. While in the long run this decision possibly will have some unforeseen positive outcomes like a stalling on the spread of HIV, one would wonder if it is morally just to use ethnocentric beliefs to impose regulation on another community. Once we can individually, if not collectively, formulate an opinion on these issues, the current same-sex marriage and adoption issues of America may be looked upon with open eyes.

Works cited

Greetz, Clifford. “Life without Fathers or Husbands”. In Conformity and Conflict: Readings in Cultural Anthropology, 12th Ed., pp. 201-209. Pearson Education Inc., New York, 2006.

Overcoming Stress

Why is it that right now, when I’m doing nothing but writing a WordPress post, I’m so incredibly stressed out thinking about how much work I have to do in the next week . . .

It’s an incredible load, no doubt.  I called off a week of work, because I’m afraid I might not get it all done.

. . . while when I’m actually busy, working sixty hours in a week, or actually in school, or working on a big project, I feel a lot less stress?

Is it just because I have less time to get stressed out?

I’m three months behind in Algebra.  And it’s my own fault.

I just don’t know.   I think it’s bigger than me.


To Desire Despair

My fishing pole catches a tug, pulling on the line on a quiet lake.
I’m already asleep.

An ice-cream truck stands steady on hot summer day in June.
I’m on auto drive.

A sentimental gooey gack covers me like a warm blanket.
I’m immune.

A rain brings to my dried out watering hole hope.
I’m already fallen.